im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
