she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
