Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
