Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
