I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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