sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
