Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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