Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
