If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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