he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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