Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
