glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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