just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
