My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
