I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
