Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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