So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
