True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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