yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
