Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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