Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
