I wish life had little blips of pornography
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
