i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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