oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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