Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
