can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
