it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
