He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
