Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
