Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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