my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
