shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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