Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
