Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize