just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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