She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
