i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
