i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
