I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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