Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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