marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
