Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
