I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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