East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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