I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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