I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
