He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
