Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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