There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
