no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
