your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
