tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
