booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The best revenge is premature balding
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
