Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
