his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
