that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
