i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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