we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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