I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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