2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
