even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize