She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
