And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
