seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
