He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
