Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
