hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
