Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
