come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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