I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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