If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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