I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize