thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
