I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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