Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize